


Different

by ritsuko



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Drabble, Excluded, Gen, Hydra (Marvel), Not Belonging, Not the Same, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, really just some feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-25 00:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2602112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritsuko/pseuds/ritsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's not the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different

He knows he's different, whether one or twenty is in the room. They laugh, have a sense of camaraderie with each other, but there is nothing for him. He is told not to speak, not to look, not to join them. Do the job, complete the mission, that's all you're good for. 

No one actually wants him around except to get blood on his hands. 

One day, he's backhanded hard when he stares too long, while he deciphers the words of his orders. The pain that blossoms in his mouth is nothing compared to the confusion that wracks his brain. The rest of them don't hit each other, unless it's a clap on the back, a shared joke or a tease.

But they always hit him, hard enough to bruise, rough enough to bleed.

There's no fighting back. He doesn't hurt the handlers, he leaves his life in their hands, like clay. They mold him and shape him into whatever they want, into sharp muscle and instinct and hard, painful submission. They hide the fragile cracks of his glass heart. 

Or maybe he has hidden it himself, under all of the darkness and pain and slithering black tentacles of abuse, hidden it so deep he cannot be hurt by it, any longer, if he just forgets how to feel.

Their words are like lashes, no compliments when he has done well, only the bitter pain of the flesh being ripped from him when he fails.

The Winter Soldier has learned not to fail. Learned not to belong.

He isn't like them.

The only thing they have in common is beneath it all, their blood is as crimson as his.

Some days he dreams of painting the walls with it, of being free.

But he's not like them. 

He doesn't deserve dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> I just lost my job, so, yeah.


End file.
